Long months away – big changes at play

deepest pain

Long story short – my last post on here marked my last peaceful days before my horrifying struggle with anxiety, depression and moderate OCD set in May, 2014.  Truth be told, during that black hole of my life, I never thought I’d be sitting here writing to you about those months.  Though not fully recovered mentally, I can recall immediately how those months literally seemed unending, like a literal weight on my psyche that would never lift.  Wanting things to get better, to feel better, and yet I had no energy to make that happen.  The only way I can attest to that I came to be here today is from sheer willpower.  I willed myself to believe in the wonderful, beautiful person I am, despite my mistakes, my faults, my inconsistencies, my weaknesses.  At some point, my weaknesses turned into my strengths – or perhaps the strength came from recognizing that I was weak and that it was okay, completely ok, to be weak in certain areas and strong in others.  I decided that writing and sharing my struggles became an even bigger part of my healing process.  Now, I’m attempting to heal from not only my ulcerative colitis, but also a recent diagnosis of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), General Anxiety Disorder and Depression.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that all these conditions are related & I am going to devote as much energy and time as I can to work to connect the dots to reach the holistic equilibrium of my life.  And I will share as much of this journey with you as I can.  I’m still very much so learning to help myself and to live true to myself, and if I can show you you’re not alone in that, my healing will quadruple. 🙂 Like that quote says at the beginning of my post, the deeper you go, the more you can grow.  I will add that I was and am still currently taking SSRIs (Prozac) to manage my Depression, but hope to be off of them soon.  I am NOT a fan of medication at all, which hopefully puts into perspective how scared I was of how I was feeling to willingly take some of the toughest meds out there.

With that (and there IS so much more to say…), I’d like to list for my own sake and yours 5 holistic changes or new habits I have been working on implementing in my life for my health, happiness and success.  If nothing else, puling myself out of this tar pit of depression, confusion and mental imprisonment, has proved to me that to live life holistically is the best way to live it.

1.  Practicing self-love:  I’ll talk a lot about this in future, but practices of self love for me personally included eating better (cutting out sugar), journaling for self-discovery and being open to why I had the fears I have (mostly about my relationship) and how to  comfort myself, and resting or sleeping when I either wanted to or had to.  There are so many ways to be loving to yourself – just Google “self love” and you’ve hit the ground running!  I also read and am still reading a handful of amazing really enlightening books, that I’ll share down the road.

2.  Yoga has changed my life in the 3+ years since I started practicing on and off.  It’s meditation, cardio, toning and self love all in one.  Start practicing a couple times a week if you implement one thing on this list.  The website linked above has free videos of all levels.

3.  Meditation.  It’s a bit of a buzz word right now, but it’s as good for you as “they” say it is. Perspective, clarity, connection.

4.  Talking about the pain I felt, even if I didn’t know why I felt it.  I talked to my parents, my amazingly strong boyfriend, my therapist, my psychiatrist, close friends, co-workers, people on trusted forums going through what I was, more or less.  I got it out.  I didn’t keep it in.  Turns out, I was the ONLY one condemning myself for the things I thought I was doing.

5.  Signing up for a program called “Trust Yourself” by an amazing international anxiety counselor named Sheryl Paul.  If you struggle with anxiety, especially relationship anxiety, check out her blog.  Her wisdom and peace will change your life.

I’ll go into depth the changes I’ve been making.  I’m still walking a long road, so I thank you for walking with me 🙂

Has anyone else suffered from anxiety, depression, or OCD?  What has helped you manage your symptoms and find peace?

In health and happiness,